Sleep is my Friend

So here's the deal; I haven't really been sleeping right as of late. I think multiple reasons, including the fact that I don't have any specific reason to be up early in the morning, a little bit of stress, a little bit of A.D.D, and a lot of being disorganized have led to a totally erratic sleeping pattern. Some nights I sleep for 6 hours, some nights I sleep for 12. The only common factor is that I usually end up waking up past noon, which again, is not really that much of a problem considering that running your own business doesn't require early mornings.

Mentally, and socially, it starts getting to you. Waking up late is great when you get to do it on a weekend, or even on a longer holiday (school summer holidays, especially), and you get to re-energize your body. Doing it on a much longer timespan, say, for years in a row, has other effects; studies show that you tend to get lazier overall - check. Studies show that stress levels seem to increase for people who sleep late - check. Studies show that you experience more headaches and body aches in general - check. Studies show that... Well, it continues.

On a social level, i'm up when everyone else is having their afternoon siesta (a Spanish phrase for an Arab habit), and most active when everyone else goes to sleep. Most of the people who I actively communicate with are Twitter and Facebook friends from the US and Europe, who are up when I am, or the few other night-owls from around here.

Well, it's time to put an end to that, I thought. Not to say that I haven't been been trying for a while; I have. It just hasn't been working. I set alarms for 8:00am  and 9:00am, only to snooze them or even completely slumber through them. I get to bed early, only to lie down, turn and turn, and run through multiple thoughts spanning everything from the intricate details of how the universe was born, to what i'm having for lunch tomorrow. I end up finally sleeping by 6:00am or 7:00am, only to wake up again an hour or two past noon. There have been a couple of occasions where I ended up sleeping late and waking up early, figuring i'd sleep early that night, but nope. I either crashed by mid-afternoon, or ended up staying up late again, only to be caught back in the vicious circle over and over. Again, this has been going on for weeks and weeks, perhaps months and months. Same result.

Finally, yesterday, I figured I had a chance to fix things; again, I had tried sleeping early, and fell into the same routine of random multiple thoughts, rolling in bed, and generally thinking of things I haven't thought of in years. I eventually slept by 6:00am, but was forced to wake up at 8:00 to go do a number of errands (that I would have been in quite a bit of a pickle had I not finished them then).

So there I was, up early, facing the morning sun, driving around with a emotionless stare, finishing random errands till I was done by 4:00pm. I got back home, and was about to crash on the sofa watching a re-run of Romeo + Juliet (An amazing adaptation if you haven't seen it actually, with the whole story set in a modern day Los Angeles, while retaining the original Shakespearean dialogue. But that's a whole other story). A phone call stopped me from falling asleep, and I ended up having to go collect a couple of items from a friend. Finally home by 9:00pm seemed ideal, and I was exhausted. Finally. My perfect level of exhaustion aligned with the perfect sleeping time. I pictured it; if I slept now, I would be up by 6:00am or 7:00am, feeling great from having slept enough, feeling great from waking up early. I would actually be able to walk outside, and go to where the people have breakfast. I would have breakfast in public while other people were having breakfast. I would be an engaged member of society again. Everything seemed so perfect.

I got ready for bed, set my alarms for 7:00am, and closed my eyes. The last glance at the time told me it was 9:30pm, and from there I sank into my pillow...

I remember conjuring up multiple dreams; I don't remember the exact details, but they were many. Some dreams even had me waking up early, excited about how I was going to spend my morning. Remember, this is not just about waking up early. It was about waking up early, and waking up energized. It was about a routine, and returning to an active lifestyle. It was about less stress, less headaches, and being more healthy. It was a new life.

I abruptly woke up in the middle of the night. How long was I out for? An hour? Two hours? I wasn't going to let this ruin my objective. I didn't even bother checking the time or taking a glance at my phone. I shut my eyes and went back into dream land.

The dreams continued. Again, the details are vague, but I had this one recurring dream where I dreamt that I was sleeping, and I kept waking up to check the time, telling myself I needed a few more hours to wake up at 6:00. Other dreams followed, but this theme persisted.

I woke up again. What has it been, another hour or two? Didn't check the time, didn't check my phone, didn't do anything. Eyes shut. Dreamland.

This happened a few times; dreams, followed by me waking up, wondering how many hours I was out for, and going back to sleep. When I woke up for the fifth time, it was still dark outside. I closed my eyes again, but this time I couldn't sleep. My body had seemingly gotten enough rest, and was telling me to get up. My mind started running off into multiple thoughts, including trying to figure out if I was good to wake up or if I should sleep some more. I focused on that. If I had slept an average of one or two hours per session, I thought, with a total of five sessions, then I had probably slept somewhere between 6 and 7 hours. Maybe 8. I originally slept at 9:30. So now it should realistically be somewhere around 4:00 or 5:00am, maybe even 6:00 if i'm lucky. The sun should be coming up any minute now. That's fine, I can deal with that. I can wake up, try to do some early morning exercise, take a nice long shower, and go about my day. Yes. This would be perfect. This is ideal. Finally. Today. The first day of the rest of my life. I grabbed my phone, pressed a button and looked at the time.

It was 12:10am.

Crap.

Easy Money

I remember staring at a street poster in New York sometime last year; $436 million jackpot (or something along those lines, I don't remember the exact figure). Even assuming you get a discounted present value of the money over a certain number of years, or get a lump sum, that amount is a little bit ridiculous.

Still, it's probably one of the easiest ways to get rich; gambling. Drop in an affordable 'investment' and win a huge amount of money. No effort required, what could be better?

Well, considering the Gulf countries base their laws on 'islam', gambling is actually haram and therefore illegal. No public casinos, no betting on races etc, no lotteries.

Wait, what?

I'm walking around Dubai Airport, staring at grand prizes to be won, for a BD20, BD50 or BD100 per ticket. That prize ranges from a Porsche to a Bentley, and in one case, a pure million dollars of liquid cash.

Hmmmmm..

This is obviously not a new discovery but isn't this technically gambling? Gambling is haram because you're throwing away your money to an uncertain, undefined risk. Is the fact that you 'know' how many other tickets are being sold make it legible? ie you know your exact chance of winning?

It's sort of like Islamic Banking, the fastest growing banking sector in the world. Everything is re-defined to not include "interest". But of course you do have "profit". Hmmm. I've also found it funny how they justify things like cash loans (which technically aren't allowed in islam) by coming up with this whole story that your loan actually includes buying diamonds in South Africa which are then exchanged for cash and you end up paying for the diamonds in installments etc.. I've taken that loan a while ago, I never saw any diamonds..

So how is this lottery gambling thing justified? And if it is, then why won't they give me a permit to start up a casino? I know it'll make a lot of money. Investors interested in the idea please call me.

We'll make it a halal casino, don't worry. I'm sure there's a huge growth market out there for it.

We're All The Same

Looks like a silly video at first. Some random guy dancing in one country, then in another, then in another. But keep watching...


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

There's something deeply moving about it; look at the joy on the people's faces, their smiles, their happiness. Doesn't matter what language barriers there are, or what cultural differences exist. Nothing. They all danced, they all smiled, they all connected. Didn't matter if it was young children dancing in Africa, or grown adults dancing in the UK; everyone was the same.

In this world of people separating themselves from each other, fighting going on over race, religion, skin color, language, and so on, it just brings a tear to see the whole world connecting over such a small dance. It brings a tear to see poor African children who have nothing, filled with laughs and joy over such a small dance. It brings a tear to see stuck-up businessmen let go of their stress and pride, filled with laughs and joy over such a small dance. It brings a tear to see a video of people dancing in Israel, followed by people dancing on the East Bank. It just puts out such a strong message; stop the fighting, stop the pain, stop the differences. We're all human, we're all the same.

Can't make that final jump.

You take risks, risks that are uncomprehendable to most people, but you take them; you know this is what you want to do, that you don't want to be living like everyone else believes everyone should live. You drag your way through one situation after another with difficulty, since you're alone and no one understands what you're trying to achieve.

But you're making it, you're reaching your goal, you're getting there, slowly. You line up the targets, one by one, carefully placing everything in the right order. You feel good, this feels right. You keep working at it, building your creation.

Now you're almost done, there's just one more tiny jump to take, the one that will tell you if all this effort, all this work, all this time, is actually going to pay off. But you can't. You hesitate, you procastinate, you find something else to keep you busy. You tell yourself tomorrow is the day to take the jump. When tommorow comes, you convince yourself that it's the day after. And so you go on...

What is it? Is it the fear that all this might not work?

It's a very clever concept...

...one that's been used over and over again especially in this region, and it was one that helped build our countries really fast. How does it work?

You start off without much in hand, financially, to build anything. But you have an idea.

You work on the idea; after all, thinking is free. You morph it and shape it into something that will attract people to invest in it. You build up on it, polish up the rough edges and make it look all nice and shiny,

You then sell the idea.

People buy, and you suddenly recieve an over-flow of money, without actually having to give anyone anything. Your idea is expensive to build, however, so you use that money to build it. You spend, growing your idea, and now that it's starting to materialize, other investors see the opportunity you've managed to create. They send more money your way, and so it goes.

You finish your project. You've managed to create something huge from nothing, managed to create a good return for your investors, and you've still ended up with quite a big profit.

It's a very clever concept.

Life Changing Decisions

Two roads to choose from.

The first takes you down a safe path, where everything is familiar, but routine, boring. It doesn't fulfil any of your dreams, or anything you really want to achieve in life, but it's safe. It's secure. Your existence will stay bland, colorless, but you're safe in the knowledge that you've done something to ensure your future is set.

The second path is a little more complicated. You don't know where it's going to take you, you don't know where it ends. There is a possibility that you will fall flat on your face, that you will get yourself into a bad situation. But there's also the chance that you make it, and make it big, live your dreams and be happy while you're at it. That you find joy, that you find true happiness. But remember, there's a risk. And yes, it's a big risk.

Which would you choose?

In reply to the Spitzer Issue

(Reply to comments in the previous post)

A lot of you seem to be throwing the hypocrisy word around, but then again, I have to turn around and say, "so what"? Who cares if he's a hypocrite? Sure, we don't like hypocrites, but if being a hypocrite doesnt stop him from doing his job, then by all means, go ahead.

Sure, he was fighting corruption and prostitution, even though he slept around with a few hookers. But still, he FOUGHT prostitution, fought corruption, and he did it well; hypocrisy never affected his job, its a personal mentality issue that he has. Sleep around, Spitzer! Just make sure you clean up those hookers by the time you're done with office.

The truth is, we all look towards public figures as being moral, just, and so on. Honestly, I don't give a damn as long as they can do their job right. I don't care if we hire a leader to fight drugs, and he does it and does it right, clearing the city of drugs. If he enjoys the occasional puff of marijuana every now and then, then by all means go ahead, doesn't bother me.

QUESTION: Would you rather have a leader that initiates change, does good, brings improvements, but has a few shady issues in the background? Or would you rather have a totally moral and just leader who does nothing wrong, but doesn't perform well at his job?

And how do you think this issue related to our MP's? Most of them have been voted for because anything BUT what they can do at their post...

How Pokemon Made Me Cry

Clang!.. Clang!..

Oh dammit.. I had just put my head down on the pillow, about to sleep after a long night, no, a long semester.. It was 7 in the morning, and after not sleeping properly for exam week, this last day was full of celebration and just being happy that we've gotten the exams over and done with. We were ridiculously homesick, totally broke, sleepy as hell, and our return flight dates weren't for another two days.

We lived in a first floor apartment, with a small supermarket right below us, and it seems that just as we decided to go to sleep, they decided that they should put their new sign up.

Clang!.. Clang!..

What the.. The sign they were putting up was right outside our appt, and we cursed the guys banging into the wall less than a meter or two from where we lied down. We still tried to sleep through the banging, the clanging, the drilling, but there was no use; it was too loud. We were really sleepy, really tired, really homesick, and no matter what we tried, we couldn't sleep through the noise.

By then it was almost 10am, and after 3 hours of not being able to sleep, we asked (screamed at) the workers when they were going to finish, and ended up being disappointed by the response; "not until 2pm". Oh crap.

Clang!.. Clang!..

The noise was getting unbearable and our heads felt like they were going to explode, so my friend decided we might as well just go out until they finish. After figuring that was the best course of action, we got changed, hopped into the car, and drove off. Now, it was the beginning of the summer and already the weather was hot, but what made it worse was that we were a bunch of broke students with a car whose air conditioning didn't work. We drove through the Sharjah traffic to Dubai, which I must stress is very slow and congested, and the unairconditioned jeep we were in (with it's hot leather seats) didn't make things much easier on this hot Dubai summer afternoon.

After a whole hour of sweating in our clothes, we made it to City Center Mall, and being broke, didn't have any money for drinks to cool ourselves down. But hey, just being out of that hotbox car in the traffic was great. Turning back and going home at this time was just stupid, since we would have to put up with rush hour traffic on the way back too. Luckily, my friend had two free cinema tickets, and we decided to go into the first movie we could find; thoughts of a dark, cool theatre hall so far away from the sun seemed so appealing.

The Pokemon Movie. Yes, unfortunately that's what was on at the time, and we went in without a second thought. We watched the Pokemon characters living happily together, then slowly drift apart during the cartoon movie, and end up fighting each other and destroying the land. The climax of the movie was when Pikachu (the main cartoon character, a very cute tiny thing) looked around in despair at everybody fighting each other and being turned to stone, and even through trying his hardest, couldn't stop the pain and fighting going on all around him.. And with us being stuck in Dubai and homesick, sleep deprived, broke, hot, just the whole situation coupled with the very, very cute Pikachu seeing everyone around him turning to stone as everyone fought everyone.. Well, lets just say the emotions inside of us were overwhelming, and tears started coming out of eyes.. And that, my friends, is how Pokemon made me cry.

From ammaros diary, June 2000

PS. On a happy note, Pikachu did end up saving the day, and Pokemon land was a happy place yet again

Random Junk

Procastination loves me. I have a long list of things i'm supposd to do, and somehow that list keeps growing. I do this thing every now and then where I write all these down, and try to do them and cross them off one by one, but I end up losing the paper somewhere and completing like, one, out of ten items. Blah.

The thing is, most of them are small items that don't take much time at all to complete, such as changing a light bulb, or calling the plumber to fix something. However, I have items that i've been putting off since the beginning of February.

That's February last year. Goddamit, procastination doesn't just love me, she's actually married to me. Anybody got an idea of how to kill her off?

- Ok, besides that, anybody watch the Oscars? Wow, now there's a show. Last night I realized what my goal in life was; it's to win an Oscar. I know that I probably will not rest and will not feel satisfied with life until I manage to get one. So from today onwards, that will be my ultimate goal in life, and every action I perform from today onwards will be just another step towards having that little naked gold dude hanging up on a shelf in my living room.

- I think i've come to the conclusion that life isn't about work. Work isn't really going to get you anywhere, and don't give me that crap about 'making a living'. When was the last time you've seen a millionaire who got there by being employed? Sure, there's the odd Wall Street banker and so on but overall, jobs don't really make you money. You need to go out there and do something different, figure out a new way of making money, start a business, sell drugs, you get the point.

- I'm trying to film a short 2 minute movie. A fun action sequence. Getting all the idiots who are supposed to act in it/help film it together in one place at one time CANNOT BE THIS DAMN DIFFICULT! God. We'll try for this weekend then.

- I went to this audition thing for a TV show the other day; they didn't tell us exactly what it was but it's supposedly some sort of game show where the final prize is around 10 million Riyals. That's a little under 4 million dollars. I told all my friends that, if I win, i'm going to ignore all of them, and go out and actually buy new friends. I hope I win, because they didn't seem to take what I said lightly. Also, I swear i'm going to be the biggest bum in the world if I win, just because I can.

- Would you guys STOP SENDING ME those stupid Friends For Sale application requests on Facebook?

- I'm working on another website, you might have seen the little logo on the top left of the page (BahrainTalent). Check it out; I haven't put anything there yet besides an introduction, but right now i'm rounding up a few people to get featured. Should be fun. If you produce music, DJ or anything else, you should also check it out.

- Happy National & Liberation Days Kuwait!

- My brain is full of ideas. They're really good ones. If you're interested, i'm selling each idea for $200 dollars. Contact me for my bank details.

That's all for today.

My Faith in Humanity

I left the supermarket and walked towards the car, and saw someone coming closer as I got in. A young man, probably around the same age as me give and take a few years, came up to me and said 'excuse me?'...

He looked as if he wanted to ask for something, so I looked at him and asked what he needed. He said, 'i'm sorry for asking this' looking a little embarrassed, 'but can I ask you where you live?'. I figured he needed a ride somewhere, but I was already late and really didn't have much time to pick up a random stranger (considering that he wasn't a hot female). Anyhow, he continued, saying he had somehow ran out of money and his car was empty on gas, and he wanted to borrow some cash and bring me the money back later/tommorow.

Now, generally i'm the sort of person who likes helping people out. Unfortunately, I do that with a bit of naiveness, and that as life passed, I managed to go through a few situations that reduced my trust in the honesty of mankind. Once for example (a long time ago), an old man walked into the bank I worked at; he sat down, had a little chat with me, somehow managed to convince me that he knew my dad, and somehow also managed to convince me to lend him 10 dinars to buy food for his family, which he wanted to pay back the next day (some crap about his government check not arriving, bla bla). A nice, old man, and me being the naive guy who likes helping people, decided he seemed credible enough. Well, I never saw him again.

That's the problem; a few cases like this and I decided i'll stop believing people actually needed help. Doesn't that cause a problem, however, for the few people who really do need help? I honestly do want to help, but I don't necessarily want to get taken advantage of. So what to do?

I remember a case where a guy once stopped his car near mine and asked me for money; he was from another country and somehow spent all his cash, and needed enough to fill up gas to drive back home. I told this guy to go f**k himself. The fancy car he was driving also made his little story a tad unbelievable.

Anyhow; I looked at the guy infront of me, pondered a while, and checked my wallet; I had a single dinar, enough for a little gas to get him wherever he wanted to go. I figured that there is a chance he wasn't telling the truth, but it's only a dinar, and the difference it would make to him had he been telling the truth is significantly more than the annoyance I would get if I find out I was ripped off for a dinar.

He asked for my number, and I gave it to him; he asked where I live, and promised he'll pass by tommorow to drop off the money. I said, sure, whatever; i'm not really worried about the cash, but I guess by tommorow i'll know if I can renew my faith in the honesty of humanity, or if I should be a total ass about helping people from now on.

And my previous post meant...

Some seemed baffled by the little riddle in the previous post. In reality, it's not a riddle. It's all about our life, and it affects us all.

All i'm saying is, you might be stuck in a mundane life revolving around your job. You might hate your job because you have too much work to do (or too little), or if the work is too difficult (or too easy). You might hate your life because you feel that you're not contributing anything, that you're just wasting away, doing nothing useful for yourself or for mankind. You always wanted to be great when you were younger, and now you've grown up and realized this isn't the reality you envisioned. You're stuck in a routine of life, day in, day out, and life somehow became tasteless.

But this isn't a dead end. No. Life doesn't have to hold you back from your dreams, from doing what you want, from feeling useful, from feeling great. It won't be easy, but achiveing it is very, very possible. You have the choice, either to get up off your ass and move out of your comfort zone, your regular routine that, although tasteless, tiring and mundane, is safe and is what you're used to. It's tough to shake that off.

Society dictates that we have to have a specific type of job, to get a specific type of title, make a specific amount of money, and so on. But when you look around you, are these really the rules we have to follow?

I'll give examples. Once I met a street painter; she worked on the side of a busy road in Boston, and we had a little chat. Turns out she has a law degree from a highly reputed university, used to work in a big shot company, had the classy apartment, the fancy car and so on. But somehow, she wasn't happy, and something was missing. A few years of stress and unhappiness later, she decided to quit her job, give up the fancy life, sell the car and move into a tiny apartment. Why? She wanted to do what she loved for a living; painting. Although her life was completely changed, she couldn't have been happier, and the sparkle in her eyes proved it.

Another example; a friend of mine was a big shot supervisor in a company; he recieved a pretty good salary, but was always under stress, and was at work most of his day. Responsibilities to take care of one day, business flight here, meeting to catch there, etc etc. The depression showed on his face whenever we would see him (which was rarely), and he didn't look happy at all. One day, all of a sudden, he made the decision to quit, started working a job which paid a little under half his previous salary, but with much easier timing, and hardly any stress. We see him more nowadays, and he's happy. He does a lot of charity work, too, and has joined a number of voluntary organizations. He loves life, he has time to do the things he enjoys, and he has time to spend with the people he wants to be around.

I'm sure the decision for both the above cases was not easy. Far from it. But the result was joy and satisfaction. All i'm saying is, you weigh out your options, you figure what you want from life, you make the choice.

You make the choice

Meaningless life. Mundane work. Tiring commute. Suffocating uniform. Wasted time. Dead imagination. Uninspired existence.

Or..

Passionate creativity. Satisfied self. Beneficial innovation. Realised dreams. Joyful occassions. Great achievements. Beautiful legacy.

It's your life, you make the choice.

Criminal Thoughts

He came back home, exhausted after a long day at work, and made his way to the sofa. He slumped down, looked up at the ceiling as his head rested on a cushion, thinking, wondering. How far could he go if he chose to live a path of crime, instead?

Crime usually pays well, he thought; whether it's a drug dealer making 200% profit on whatever they put in, or using intricate knowledge of a banks' system to undetectedly transfer money into their account, or stealing people's credit card numbers, buying expensive items online and selling them for cheap. There's a hundred other ways, and hell, they all pay well.

He continued to think; most crime is committee by your average person, not necessarily someone with any real outstanding achievements, a high IQ, or even a good education. Sure, some are, but in general it didn't take any sort of specific level of intelligence or skill to make a payoff out of crime. So he wondered; with an above average level of intelligence, putting his superior mental talents to use being overworked in a normal paying job didn't really do it for him. He want thousands, hundreds of thousands. He wanted millions. He knew he could get them, if he pursued them illegally. Legally, there wasn't much of a chance unless he become CEO of a large company sometime soon (not very likely) or won some sort of lottery (even less likely).

So how about it? He could use his genius mind for evil, and make millions in the process. He could steal banks' money, undetected. He can fool people into giving him their money, only to realize they've been ripped off after he was long gone. He can do so much, and yes, it would pay, and pay well.

So what was stopping him? Was it the law? He could twist the law, fool the law, and be above the law. Was it a moral dilemma? The society he was in seemed to reward the rich, not the poor. What was a moral stand, really? Following an unjust society?

What was stopping him from fulfilling all his dreams?

Reach Higher

Life is too short to waste. Too short to spend lazing away in bed all morning. Too short to spend watching movie after movie. Too short to spend wasting your time not achieving something. Life is too short to spend it doing things that benefit no one but yourself. Life is too short.

You realize how short life is as you grow older. Your years pass by quicker, your months feel like weeks, your days feel like hours. What have you achieved in life, really? Did you affect lives? Did your actions cause change? Whether the effect is positive or negative is not the point; the point is how great an effect have you had on the people around you, the people from your country, your region, the world. Ghandi effected change. Hitler effected change. Both in their own different ways, but they did it. Their life meant something.

Sure, you could spend your life watching one movie after another, playing games, relaxing, or enjoying yourself in any other way. But when it nears the end, will you look back and wonder how big a change you've made? Will you even be remembered? Or was your life just a waste of carbon based life-form? A useless, pointless existence with no real outcome?

Go out there, stop wasting your time doing things that benefit no one but you. What has your existence effectively resulted in, what have you achieved during your life? Make a change. Make a big change. Make and create something, something to make a difference, make your life mean something. After all, life is too short to waste.

Why?

Life used to be simple. Surrounded by true friends always, doing everything for fun, no real responsibility, no worries.

Life changed. Each friend headed in a different direction, no time for fun anymore, burdens everywhere, and a constant worry about the future.

I remember turning 17, and so much has changed since that time. It's a bit lonelier here. Happy 27th birthday ammaro.

Are we there yet?

We're always going somewhere, running to get to a place, to meet someone, to do something. In a car cursing at the traffic keeping us, in an elevator disappointed with every floor it stops at before ours, walking through a building from office to office for our next meeting, running down the street to the theatre to catch the next show, on a plane to our next destination, driving back late at night just to get home.

We're never where we want to be, are we? Always stuck in between destinations, spending so much time and effort going from one place to the next, that we hardly get to enjoy where we are when we finally get there.

Stop, ponder, think. Dont focus all your energy on just 'getting there'. Enjoy your life for what it is, enjoy the journey. (Written on the way to something)

A new hope for life

Sometime last year:

As ammaro was walking down a busy street in Manhattan, New York, marvelling at the exceptional high-rise buildings that defined this city, he glanced something with the corner of his eye. Completely detatched from the glory at the height of these structures, inhabited by rich bankers, lawyers and millionaires, was a homeless man lying down in an alley, wrapped in rags to keep warm. Through his heavy, overgrown beard, weary eyes and dirty clothes, he was shivering; it wasn't from the cold, though. He was hungry, and didn't have a single cent to afford anything to eat.

A well-dressed young man, a successful stock-broker, probably, strolled by quickly. A clean-shaved white male, probably in his late-twenties, dressed in an expensive italian suit, carrying an elegant leather suitcase and talking on his cellphone, concluding another million-dollar deal. The homeless man reached out to him, extending his empty cup, hoping for some spare change. "Why don't you get a job you bum?" said the stock-broker angrily as he passed, not even stopping to acknowledge the homeless man's existence.

Sad, but somewhat true, thought ammaro. There is always the possibility of doing something to make money; getting the odd job helping out pick up things, delivering newspapers, and so on. Is the chance readily available though? I assume that in a city such as New York, money exists around every street corner, and the chances and opportunities are there. Numerous breaks abound to make a little bit of money, and some people who have started off with nothing have even managed to turn themselves into millionaires; although some may not be the most attractive opportunities (ie, scrub clean a dirty apartment, help clear out someone's garbage), the chance to turn nothing into something does exist.

So is the opportunity readily available? Yes, it is. However, they would need the initiative, the will, and the creativity to consider such an idea, and unfortunately, not everyone has that. Thus ammaro shrugged the idea off as one that cannot possibly be within every poor man's reach, and gave the homeless man a few dollars as he went on his way.

But lets look at things from another angle. What if they had the will to do something? What if they had the initiative? What if they had the ideas? What if they had all that, but had no opportunity? Think away from New York. Think to poorer, third-world countries, where getting your hands on a few dollars is comparatively an impossible task. So many hopes and dreams, so much initiatve, so many ideas, but no chance to turn them into reality. And with the value of world currencies and exchange rates, all it would take is a few dollars to bring their dreams to life.

So again, ammaro contemplated; what if there was an easy way to help these people? Not necessarily give them a little bit of money for food and water, clothes and shelter, to be given over and over again. No. What if there was a way to give them a little bit of money to help themselves? Give them chance for a new life, instead of having to rely on donations time after time?

After all, a donation can feed you for a day. Tommorow you need another donation, and the day after, and the day after that. But a donation a little bigger, if used in the right way, can help you help yourself. As the saying goes; "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime".

Modern Day:

So as ammaro went through life, he discovered something amazing. He discovered an easy way to help those in need. And it didn't even need to be a donation. It was a loan. A loan to people who wanted to start small businesses in developing countries. The underprivileged who had hopes, dreams, and had the initiative, but had no chance.

http://www.kiva.org/
He discovered the opportunity to loan money to those who needed it. You could loan anything from $25 and up, hardly an amount affecting most of our daily lifestyles, but for some, that is all the money they need to turn their lives around. Some people need $25. Some people need $100. Some people need $500. You can view the people, view their ideas and the businesses they want to start, and lend them the money (or part of the money) they need to get their small businesses underway. You can also get in touch with them, and follow up on how they do in their businesses. And one other thing; this is not a donation. This is a loan, and they will pay you back over a set period. The beautiful thing here is that once you are paid back, you can use the money to finance someone else.

It's amazing. Amazing what you can do and how you can help people with such a small idea, such a small donation. All it takes is the initiative. I want to thank the creators of Kiva for helping make this world a better place.

Join it and help someone. ammaro has.

Self-Fulfillment

So what's the point of this whole life thing? I mean, i've been contemplating it; no, not contemplating, seriously doing some deep thinking. Is it all about going to work everyday and slaving your life away in order to make a bit of money, then spending that money on whatever time you have left of your day to eat, buy a car (to mostly drive to and from work every day), and then buy a house? How does that fulfil anything, really. I mean, in the end, everyone is doing the same thing, but what's the really deep meaning of it all? Life's a bit bland that way, don't you think?

So is it about enjoying life? Lets say you're out in a club every night, enjoying yourself, chilling out on the beach every afternoon, buying the cars you love, clothes you want, eating the best foods, whatever it is. Just enjoying your life all over. How does that really make a difference? I mean, isn't life somehow empty? Is it just about enjoying the journey until the day you die?

Or maybe it's about religion? Living through life to be the best person you can according to your religion, and doing all to prove your alleigance/loyalty/belief for your god/gods, whoever they are, and end up in whatever heaven you're meant to end up in? But then, what if you're following the wrong religion? I mean, there are hundreds of religions around the world; they can't ALL be right? What if you spend your whole life worshipping what ends up to be the wrong god?

Is it about making yourself rich? Ok great, so you collected a bit of money, and managed to splurge out on the finer things in life. How is that doing anything for anyone but your selfish self? Even if you gave out some money, there's still something missing there.

Think about it. If you died right now, would you be happy with how you lived your life, and what you achieved? Maybe life, and this is what I think, is about achieving something. If you had to die right now, what have you achieved? If it's getting A's in class, then you haven't done much; you've essentially done something only you are going to remember a year from now. If it's doing amazingly well at your job, you still haven't done anything; you've benefited a company/organization where your achievments will prbably be overlooked next quarter. Provide for your family? So what, any working person could/should be able to provide for his/her family.

No, i'm talking big things. Think of The Beatles. Four guys, made music, and changed the world; their music affected so many people in so many different ways. Their music made some people happy, their music helped some people through hard times, and their music made a number of producers pretty rich, too. They definately made a change.

I saw a documentary about Ghandi the other day. Now that dude did things. If he wasn't around, things would be a LOT different today, and I mean for the world, not just the immediate people around him, his town or even his country. Anyone wonder if that dude is self-fulfilled? Hell yeah, that guy changed the world.

Not only him, I mean, even take a look at those guys who made Google. A completely different example, but thing is, they changed the whole bloody world, for the better, and became billionaires in the process. Now that's definately self-fulfilled!

Just think, what kind of difference have you made? Do you want to be somebody? Somebody that made a change to this world? If you never existed, would the world still be the same?

I leave you with this song. It's fun. I wonder if the singer is self-fulfilled. He changed my life, and I feel happy; well, for today anyhow.

The Turning Point

You know those periods when you're down, depressed, and it seems like everything is going wrong?

It starts when life seems good, and everything is fine. Then one small thing thing goes wrong. You ignore it; no big deal, just a regular obstacle, like the ones life seems to regularly throw at you. But then another thing goes wrong; still not too much too worry about, so no real concern there. Then another, and another, and you start to realize that things are getting dark. It's been days now. You wonder if it's something you're doing wrong, or if it's just life deciding to excrete all over you, and you start to worry. Then another bad thing happens, and somehow the bad events seem to pile up one after the other, pushing you down lower and lower into a pit of gloom, so now it's taking a toll on you. It's been weeks now. You're getting depressed, you're not feeling so great anymore. It's been a long, unlucky streak, and it's lasted long enough for you to figure, hey, it can't get any worse. But then it does, and it keeps going, and you sit and doubt if there ever is going to be a period when things actually improve. It's been months now. You start to lose hope. You don't care about what's around you anymore. You lose interest in your hobbies. Food loses all taste. Nothing matters. You stop hanging out with your friends, your family. You stop taking care of yourself. Nothing matters. Depression supreme. Nothing matters.

So you just live life. A plain, empty life. You don't live for joy, or even the occassional happiness. You just live because dying isn't an option, or not an attractive one at least. You live, but it's a tasteless life. Empty, black. You accept your numb existence, for the sake of existence. It's the nature of humans to exist, rather than give in to death, and you endure it all.

But one day, something happens. Something happens that signals something good might occur sometime soon; it gives a little hope, but not enough to last. You tell yourself that this is the exception to the rule; your life is void of good things, after all. But then, you get another signal, for perhaps another good thing. Your hope gains a little more strength, not enough to compensate for the decay it faced, but at least it's there. All this happens in a short span of time, a couple of days, in fact. And you hear a happy song on your way to work; it stays in your mind for the day, it makes you feel good. You get a phone call with something else that builds optimism. You're filling up on hope, and you feel that this might finally be your break, after you lost all faith in yourself, in your abilities, in life. This might finally be it.

This is the turning point.

The McDonalds Employee

Waves of people had taken over the food court section of the shopping mall; children running around, parents chattering, youth strolling through, and the odd individual walking by. The joy on the peoples faces stood out on this night, probably one of the busiest nights of the year.

At the queue piling up infront of McDonalds though, the peoples' faces said something else. Impatient to get their Big Macs and Chicken Nuggets, Quarter Pounders and Happy Meals, the avid McDonalds customers waited, some fussing, some complaining, some trying to cut the line, but all just angry at having to wait for their 'fast food'.

I stood in line with them, and watched the employee do his job as my turn got closer. Ernie, his name tag said (not to be confused with Bert's counterpart, of Sesame Street fame), an Asian male in his late twenties or early thirties, probably. He wasn't really smiling; between the multitude of orders he had to fulfil, the long lines of angry customers he had to serve, and the noise from a mall so busy on its peak night of the year, the customer standing at the front of the line was literally shouting at him for delaying his order. After all, this customer was standing here for over 30 seconds, and that surely is too much time to wait for food, right?

Finally served and on his way, next in line were three children, probably around 8 years old, dressed in their shiny Eid clothes, smiling and laughing, waving their money at Ernie and giggling out their incoherent order. Between the noise of the mall, the sizzling of the french fries in the background and the childrens giggles, I couldn't make out what they wanted to order. Ernie, on the other hand, seemed to understand perfectly; quick to react, take the money and give them their change, maneuver himself in a way to fill their drinks, call out their order, and start packing their happy meals all at the same time. I was impressed, actually. Within a few seconds their order was almost ready, pending the cheeseburgers from the kitchen, so he took the next order, which was mine.

I gave my order and watched him do his magic, create a meal with agility not gained through plain training or even routine. No, Ernie must have really thought this process through. Probably a product of going home every night, lying down in bed before he slept, thinking of how he did his job during the day, and perfecting the process in his mind. You see, Ernie here was an efficiency expert. He moved the line as quickly and smoothly as humanly possible, and if left to the average person, the line would probably be at the very least twice as long as it was now. He did this to make his job easier. He did this to satisfy his customers better and serve them faster. But most of all, he did this because it was his job, and he had a loyalty towards his job and wanted it to give it the best he could.

Think of yourself in his place, would you push yourself to do your best? Or would you sit back, relax and do what it takes to just get by and get your salary at month end? Think of yourself at your job now, do you really try to do your best for your entity, or do you just want to finish your time and go home?

I had just finished giving my order when the customer in line behind me started to snap; 'Hey, I want to order'. I turned around and looked at him with an eyebrow raised. 'Is there a problem? The guy's working as fast as he can, and the least you can do is appreciate that it's a busy night, and just wait. He's under enough pressure already.'

He put his head down, obviously thinking of what I had said, and felt a little ashamed for being unnecessarily selfish. Perhaps in a faster moving world none of us have the patience to wait in line, whether it's for fast food, at a queue in a bank, or anywhere else. Maybe we can stop letting out our frustrations on those same people who are helping serve us, and are doing their best to give us what we need to let us be on our way.

My order was ready, and it didn't take long at all. I gave him a sincere thank you; he didn't have the time to smile, but I knew he appreciated it, and took and fulfilled another order as I went on my way.
------------For more post on slave labour, maids etc, click here