22 October 2007

The Turning Point

You know those periods when you're down, depressed, and it seems like everything is going wrong?

It starts when life seems good, and everything is fine. Then one small thing thing goes wrong. You ignore it; no big deal, just a regular obstacle, like the ones life seems to regularly throw at you. But then another thing goes wrong; still not too much too worry about, so no real concern there. Then another, and another, and you start to realize that things are getting dark. It's been days now. You wonder if it's something you're doing wrong, or if it's just life deciding to excrete all over you, and you start to worry. Then another bad thing happens, and somehow the bad events seem to pile up one after the other, pushing you down lower and lower into a pit of gloom, so now it's taking a toll on you. It's been weeks now. You're getting depressed, you're not feeling so great anymore. It's been a long, unlucky streak, and it's lasted long enough for you to figure, hey, it can't get any worse. But then it does, and it keeps going, and you sit and doubt if there ever is going to be a period when things actually improve. It's been months now. You start to lose hope. You don't care about what's around you anymore. You lose interest in your hobbies. Food loses all taste. Nothing matters. You stop hanging out with your friends, your family. You stop taking care of yourself. Nothing matters. Depression supreme. Nothing matters.

So you just live life. A plain, empty life. You don't live for joy, or even the occassional happiness. You just live because dying isn't an option, or not an attractive one at least. You live, but it's a tasteless life. Empty, black. You accept your numb existence, for the sake of existence. It's the nature of humans to exist, rather than give in to death, and you endure it all.

But one day, something happens. Something happens that signals something good might occur sometime soon; it gives a little hope, but not enough to last. You tell yourself that this is the exception to the rule; your life is void of good things, after all. But then, you get another signal, for perhaps another good thing. Your hope gains a little more strength, not enough to compensate for the decay it faced, but at least it's there. All this happens in a short span of time, a couple of days, in fact. And you hear a happy song on your way to work; it stays in your mind for the day, it makes you feel good. You get a phone call with something else that builds optimism. You're filling up on hope, and you feel that this might finally be your break, after you lost all faith in yourself, in your abilities, in life. This might finally be it.

This is the turning point.

11 comments:

i*maginate said...

Wow, quite heartfelt.

i*maginate said...

And moving.

Blue Dress said...

dont forget to smile. :)

Merlin said...

Yes that is quite a regular event in the Kingdom of Gloom. If only it decides to grow up and be a modern and more fulfiling place.

N. said...

It sure is! Then you pray shukr to Allah, and say Al7amdu Li'Allah! :D God bless!

KJ said...

You pretty much described my life between June 2006 and last August. Thanks for this post man.

ammaro.com said...

hope it makes sense to all

الحمد الله

'Grey" said...

When i read it i felt like you travelled back in to my life and wrote what i went through ! ...

Yes ! turning point ! 'turn turn turn "

palo-girl said...

yes.. been through that
il7amdilla.
it's over now..
"inna ma3a al3osri yusra. inna ma3a al3osri yusra."

Fardan Raffii said...

what matters, is what u do next

Anonymous said...

It's like you wrote it for me.