27 May 2009

Sweating Like a Pig

He looked at the outside temperature gauge, looked away, then looked back at it again. Was this for real? No, no, something must be wrong. He hit it a few times just to check if it was correct.

53 degrees, it read.

"That can't be normal", he thought to himself, "we're still just in May". The traffic infront of him moved another meter, so he let his car crawl a little further down the highway.

It had started off as a regular day; the alarm clock rang at 6:30am with it's annoying metallic buzz, waking up Ahmed from his deep slumber. "Dammit," he said, "another routine crappy work day", as the rays of the sun shined through the window onto his face. As he got up, changed, and left for work, he felt a little hotter than usual, but thought nothing of it.

At the office, all telecommunication systems were down, cutting down all possibilities of doing anything useful. No phone landlines, no internet, and difficulty getting a mobile phone signal (and even then, there was too much static on the line to actually be able to communicate). Something was definitely going on today; even the office AC which was on full blast seemed like it wasn't able to keep up with the massive heat surge coming in through the office windows.

He looked outside his window to the Bahrain World Trade Center; the fans weren't spinning at all. An initiative by the authorities to help cool down Bahrain whenever the temperature rises above 40 degrees, the fans would automatically start, and spin faster relative to the air temperature. "That's weird", he thought to himself, "it feels quite a bit hotter than 40 degrees.."

His boss asked him to pay a visit to their telecom operator, who they couldn't get a hold of because all systems were down, so off Ahmed went to his car and drove away. The roads were packed; people had their windows down, blasting their horns waiting for others to move, screaming out of their windows at each other. It seems their car air conditioning just wasn't keeping them cool.

He looked at the outside temperature gauge, looked away, then looked back at it again. Was this for real? No, no, something must be wrong. He hit it a few times just to check if it was correct.

53 degrees, it read.

By now the traffic jam and heat was starting to get to people; the guy in the car infront of him, a middle-aged man who was shouting to the driver in the next car to move out of the way, lost it all of a sudden and got out to pick a fight. The two drivers shouted and argued, as other drivers left their vehicles to see what was going on. The scene got physical, as the heat wave caused everyone's blood to boil, and what started off as two angry drivers started to turn into a mini-mob, running around from car to car opening the doors and beating up the drivers.

Ahmed was shocked; as they came closer to his car, he decided the best option was to get out and run, and he did. As the size of the mob increased, they jumped on his car and broke the windows, but he didn't look back to see what was going on. He ran through the traffic-filled streets, and in every group of vehicles he could see similar zombie-like mobs starting to grow. Weirdly enough each of these zombie like creatures was starting to develop a pink glow to their skin.

This was disturbing. Something was definitely not normal ("No shi#!" - A reader), and as Ahmed ran from the chaos that was starting to form, he could feel the sweat dripping down his forehead like an open tap. The heat was getting to him, and he looked up at the sky to see the sun shining in a scary orange yellow glow. The sky didn't look normal, more like it was burning, and Ahmed figured the temperature was rising even further.

He wondered if there was anyone who could do anything about this, and he remembered the only people who were wise enough to solve any problem; the MP's ('How the hell are the MP's supposed to solve anything!? - Another Reader). He stopped a fake-London-taxi and asked the driver to take him over to the MP meeting hall. He got there, and waited as the 40 MP's made their entrance.

He stood in the middle of the hall, and pleaded to them;
"Oh great MP's, we have a situation on our hands. The temperature of Bahrain is rising. Just an hour ago, I noticed the temperature at 53 degrees in my car, and it only seems to have gone up since then. This heat is causing damage to our infrastructure, causing problems to our telecom systems that cannot handle these temperatures, and affecting our people, turning them into zombie-like mobs who cannot think. I plea with you to solve this problem"

One of the MP's stood up and said; "We already know the reason for the problem. It is because of the 1, 2 and 3 star hotels serving alcohol."

"What!?" Ahmed said, "How the hell does that contribute to temperature change?!"

"Oh unwise one," the MP continued, "God does not like these petty hotels serving the forbidden drink, therefore he has condemned us to a sample of hell"

Ahmed: "Umm, and what about the 4 and 5 star hotels then?"

MP: "You ask too many questions! Don't question the wisdom of the mighty MP's! We also need to make sure the pork is banned, otherwise our land will be cursed for ever! And we need to make sure that cinemas and parties should be closed down, as well as the internet, because it is all evil"

Ahmed felt a bit of frustration and decided he should leave before his nerves give and he ends up attacking the MP's violently. He walked out into the streets only to see the situation escalated; people blasting their horns, others giving into road rage and crashing into each other, the burning heat rays scorching trees and plants everywhere, people screaming and shouting, mobs destroying cars and setting fire to anything they can...

It was getting to an extreme, and the temperatures were getting hot enough to cause anyone to black out, so Ahmed decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. He needed immunity against this heat, and so ran off to Aloo Basheer and ordered 200 fils worth of Aloo and 100 fils nikhi (and a red Crush) with a ton of filfil. After quickly devouring the hot spices, the temperatures (now hitting 60 degrees) were no match for him.

He ran through the streets, mobs and fires to look for a solution, and he finally found the cause of the problem:

Apparently, one of the large truck carrying tons of pigs had crashed and threw the pigs all over the highway, right infront of the World Trade Center. All the people who came in contract with the same highway managed to get Swine Flu, turned into pig-zombies and went nuts, destroying and burning everything, including the power supply to the fans of the World Trade Center (explaining the rising temperatures). He obviously didn't get the flu because of his supernatural immunity, developed through years and years of eating Aloo Basheer.

Ahmed thought quickly, and since the big fans of the World Trade Center weren't working, he decided the only way this the weather could be brought back to normal is through using lots of other, smaller fans. He called his good friends, Ali Bahar and El Ekhwa, and asked them to perform a small concert infront of the corniche immediately, which they did. All of a sudden, all of their fans from Isa Town came out and that slowly caused the temperatures in Bahrain to cool down to normal levels, bringing back the telecommunication network, giving the police a chance to remove the pigs from the highway and dispose of them into the sea, and turning all the pink-zombie-mobs back into normal people.

Phew. Ahmed had actually saved the day, and maintenance worked on the World Trade Center fans to make sure they wouldn't break down in such a drastic situation again. With no one to thank him for his great deed, he went back to the office, and was shouted at by his boss: "Where the hell were you, it doesn't take 3 hours to go to the telecom and back. And go get yourself washed up, you're sweating like a pig!"


The Dude said...

Nice. Especially the bit about the pig-zombies.

lizardo said...

Ali Ba7ar RULES !

Zhu said...

You know, in Canada, we keep in serving alcohol, and the temperature isn't any higher! :D

53C... right now, I'd love that.

BuZain said...

Hilarious :)

flymenian said...

Hahahah man you have a great imagination LOVED your little story here.

I love your humor.

flymenian said...

I stole picture from you :) well a part of it :)

Simon said...

love this one!!!!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!