25 May 2010

Gold ATM's n Stuff

I haven't been terribly active over the past few months; a post once in a while complaining about stupid MP's etc.. There will be quite a dramatic change to the site pretty soon though, and I think i'll probably start writing a lot more **sound of everyone rejoicing** so what better way to start off than with a happy topic? Sure, the world has managed to go through a full financial crisis, people lost jobs, huge companies collapsed, people went bankrupt, etc. One entity that has managed to benefit through the turmoil, however, is our neighboring state, Abu Dhabi.

Yup, with Dubai out of the picture, enough oil to ensure constant cash liquidity throughout the crisis, and one of the biggest sovereign funds in the world, they've managed to reach a point where even global powers such as the UK were begging them for money. Lovely.

With Abu Dhabi having so much wealth, what better way to prove it than by giving it's residents an even more opulent way to get their cash? Enter the Gold ATM. Yeh, umm, I don't mean an ATM that's just covered in gold. No, I mean this baby is for those who think withdrawing your regular 200 or 500 dirham note is a bit, you know, lower class. This baby actually gives you.. *drum roll* actual gold. **pause for dramatic effect**

Why anyone would actually need to go and withdraw gold, however, is beyond me. You can withdraw gold coins and bars, all in pure 24 carats, and if really up your alley, you can even print a logo or something on them. Apparently the first run of gold ran out pretty damn quickly.

It's good to know there are people with so much money that any form of common sense is stripped from their mental state; this just means we can probably rip them off easily with another bogus project. Coming up next, the Ammaro Diamond Dispensing ATM, and here's how I would price it:

Actual price of diamond - $200
Ammaro markup - $800
Ammaro Tax - 20%
Service Fee - $150
Stupid Tax - $150
Total paid by millionaire for a $200 diamond - $1500

Of course, to make it more appealing, millionaires love to show off how rich they are, so each person who withdraws a diamond gets to have their video taken while withdrawal, and uploaded to YouTube, the AmmaroDiamondATM site, and a few others, to show everyone how rich (stupid) they are. That option, of course, requires an extra $500 online service fee to be added, but hey, it's worth it if you could keep that memory forever, right?

The things too much money can make you do eh?

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