Women talk too much & Men don't listen enough

Men don't listen.

To women, that is. I don't understand why, it's not like we do it on purpose; it's just something about the way we're made or so. I'm sure most of you appreciate the fact that, although part of the same general species (ie, human), men and women are different. All that talk of equality and being the same and so on is nonsense.

Think of it this way; all men (or almost all of them) love sports, love to play with electronics, gadgets and gizmos, get emotional about their cars and nothing else, usually have a tough exterior, and so on. All women, on the other hand (or almost all of them), are more in touch with their emotions, love clothes and colors and make up, go nuts over shopping, always talk about their feelings, etc.

Sure, the world is not all black and white so not every single man and woman fall under those stereotypes, but hey, you have to admit, many are pretty close. And some who don't fit the descriptions at all just might need a sex change.

Anyhoo...

Here's one thing about women. They talk too much.

Yep, whether you like to admit it or not, you women talk too much. Some women reading this right now are going to throw a fit, get angry about what I wrote, and then go meet some of their friends to talk about it. Yes. Talk, talk, talk... Yadda, yadda, yadda.. It's not your fault though; it's been scientifically proven that as women, your heart beat is linked to the amount you talk. If you stop talking for a long enough time period, you just die; so talking ends up being a survival instinct, I guess. And women love to talk about their feelings, how their day went, about their feelings, how they feel guilty for (over)eating a WHOLE plate of salad, and again, yes, about their feelings.

Now us men, we have better things to do. We need to be able to focus on the game showing on TV right now. We need to be able to make sure our brand new HD-DVD player and full surround system is hooked up the right way to our Plasma. We need to make sure the oil in the car is topped up. We need to test out the drill again just to make sure it's still working. You know, 'manly' things. And unfortunately, us men don't have the capacity in our minds to do more than one thing at a time (unless we're driving, during which we can do almost 10 things at once; ie, eat, talk on the phone, change the CD in the deck, shift from 3rd to 4th gear while overtaking two trailers all at the same time).

Unfortunately for Woman, she actually get married to Man. And when they both get home, Woman feels the urge to talk (because her heart-beat is slowing down and she needs to get it up and running again). So there goes Woman, talking about her day, how it went, the multitude of emotions she managed to go through, what she thinks of her co-worker's new dress etc, etc, etc..

Yadda.

Yadda.

Yadda..

So Man, obviously needing to attend to the fact that the quality of his surround system doesn't sound quite right, decides to, yup, 'it's time to play around with the wires'. You see, Man is a big child. He wants to play around with things. He doesn't want to sit and listen to complex issues about feelings, intricate detail about how someone's day could go, what they ate, what bag they wore with what shoes, etc.

So what does Man do? He stops listening. He blanks out completely. He looks like he's listening to Woman, but infact, his mind is somewhere completely different. He say 'yes' and 'okay' and 'then?' everytime Woman pauses for a few seconds, just to give her the impression that he's paying complete attention, but in reality, his one track mind is completely occupied with which cable is supposed to connect the front left speaker to the corresponding output port on the DVD player.

Mind you, he doesn't do it on purpose. No matter how hard Man tries, he just can't hear Woman. He sees her talking, he sees her lips moving, and he can pretty much be sure that something is coming out of her mouth. But in his head he could be hearing anything from the Gypsy Kings greatest hits CD to the sound effects from the latest Transformers movie. The odd three or four words would make it into his mind, however, so just incase she asks, "Did you even hear what I said?!", he would reply by composing a sentence sprinkled with those words and prove that he way, infact, listening.

It happened again, today. My wife called me when I was coming home from work, and the conversation (well, the part I heard anyway) went something like this:

"Hi honey, can you ..... by the supermarket ... get .... ...... ......, some tomatoes....., .... ,..... ,...... ..... , ok dear? Thanks. Bye"

Now, being the simple minded man that I am, I figured that I had actually heard the full conversation. Mind you, if you are not aware of the superpower us men have (ie, drowning out female conversation) then it can be at your disadvantage. Harness this power, however, and it will bring you much joy and tranquility in your life.

Anyway, back to the story. So now i'm at the supermarket, buying what she wanted; I pick up the tomates and... Hmm.. I can be pretty sure she mentioned FIVE items. Why do I only seem to remember one? Umm..

Ok, time to call her again. Uhh, honey, what did you say you wanted?

"Get ..... fat-free white cheese,..... ..... ..... tomatoes, and ..... ...., with the .... .... next to the .... counter, ok? bye..."

So I go to the cheese section, but realize there's like 3 million different varieties of fat-free cheese. Dammit, another phone call. What was that cheese you wanted hon? And what else?

"Yeah, .... was the Kraft fat-free cheese, and by the way, ..... ..... ....., .... you find a pack of ...., and a family pack diet coke"

I swear to god, I must have called her 6 times today while I was in the supermarket.. To pick up 5 things!

We don't do it on purpose, women. We swear we don't.