BTV; fun fun fun

Ah yes, another Ramadan is upon us. Another month of fasting, religiousness and giving. Equally also known as the month of laziness, gluttony and TV.

I've been gone for a while; its been a hectic 6 weeks, running show after show at Seef (we set up a big stage, and had everything from latin bands, breakdancers, talent shows, to much more). If you haven't seen it yet, check out the video below (just a short quick compliation to give you an idea of what we've been doing). More on UrFilez.

It really has been a bit of a rollercoaster with no breaks (brakes?), and it's finally over straight into Ramadan. Yup, a definite month of laziness for me.

And that's what the month ends up being. I'm really not feeling Ramadan at all this year; it usually has some sort of sparkle to it but apparently that's lost and all that's left is grumpiness, laziness, and a bunch of silly TV shows.

What's sad to note is Bahrain TV. Really, really sad. Back in the 80's we were so far ahead of the rest of the Gulf countries in terms of media it seemed like they would never catch up. Unfortunately we stayed at that same level while everyone else evolved; our actors and TV hosts are still the same ones that have been on TV for the past 20 years, the acting fake, stories repeated, and the special effects, well, they're just lame. Seriously, I've seen so much talent and creativity when it comes to audio-visual production (and even actors and script-writers) in Bahrain, but they prefer to either keep their stuff on YouTube, or fly out to countries like Qatar and Kuwait that actually appreciate those sort of skills, and compensate them accordingly. I swear, I watch the productions of Qatar, UAE, Kuwait, etc with pleasure; they're great. But us? Hmm.

So when is the Bahrain Ministry of Information considering hiring young blood with some actual skill/knowledge in the field to produce something of value? I swear its embarrasing to actually switch on Bahrain TV. Example; one of the shows is a Punk'd type thing with a new celebrity each day; wow, exciting! The only problem is that every episode is recorded in exactly the same location, (a worn out school classroom), with the same prank every day (kids make fun of the celebrity). Yup. It's basically repetitive right after the second episode. Not to mention the microphones used are actually mounted on the camera and so half of the audio isn't exactly clear. Oh, and the intro song talks about this show being a "brand new concept 100%" while the cheesy graphic special effects shine in the background. So much for Bahraini creativity.

Another show is in the form of local competitions, where the host goes around to different people in public and asks them questions for prizes (wow, that's original). Whose the host? None other than Abdulla Malek, the same guy whose been hosting these shows for like, the past 20 years. The dude's old and gray, falling apart and really not the best candidate for a young and fun TV show, but hey, who else are you gonna bring, right? (Well, besides some new young fun performers?).


Oh and lets not forget the 'graphic special effects' put in place by Windows Movie Maker.

Anyway, I feel sorry for the state of Bahrain TV and really wish I could do something to help out. Obviously I wouldn't be allowed to since I have no certificate or background in TV (which honestly is the last thing you need to put on a good show). You need young and fresh people with new ideas and concepts, rather than these old and gray jokers who have taken over the channel. Maybe then, we would actually feel like watching Btv for something other than comical amusement.

Easy Money

I remember staring at a street poster in New York sometime last year; $436 million jackpot (or something along those lines, I don't remember the exact figure). Even assuming you get a discounted present value of the money over a certain number of years, or get a lump sum, that amount is a little bit ridiculous.

Still, it's probably one of the easiest ways to get rich; gambling. Drop in an affordable 'investment' and win a huge amount of money. No effort required, what could be better?

Well, considering the Gulf countries base their laws on 'islam', gambling is actually haram and therefore illegal. No public casinos, no betting on races etc, no lotteries.

Wait, what?

I'm walking around Dubai Airport, staring at grand prizes to be won, for a BD20, BD50 or BD100 per ticket. That prize ranges from a Porsche to a Bentley, and in one case, a pure million dollars of liquid cash.

Hmmmmm..

This is obviously not a new discovery but isn't this technically gambling? Gambling is haram because you're throwing away your money to an uncertain, undefined risk. Is the fact that you 'know' how many other tickets are being sold make it legible? ie you know your exact chance of winning?

It's sort of like Islamic Banking, the fastest growing banking sector in the world. Everything is re-defined to not include "interest". But of course you do have "profit". Hmmm. I've also found it funny how they justify things like cash loans (which technically aren't allowed in islam) by coming up with this whole story that your loan actually includes buying diamonds in South Africa which are then exchanged for cash and you end up paying for the diamonds in installments etc.. I've taken that loan a while ago, I never saw any diamonds..

So how is this lottery gambling thing justified? And if it is, then why won't they give me a permit to start up a casino? I know it'll make a lot of money. Investors interested in the idea please call me.

We'll make it a halal casino, don't worry. I'm sure there's a huge growth market out there for it.

Worrying

The results of Iran's elections are out. It's Ahmedinejad again. By a landslide.

Whatever your thoughts of him are, this is a worrying situation. Not because of him actually staying in power and what decisions he will be making over the coming 4 years, but because of what the reaction to him coming to power will be.

In the few days/weeks leading up to the elections, i've seen the youth of Iran take to the streets and show their support for Mir-Hossein Mousavi, and hold up and chant slogans backing him.


Ahmadi hasn't really done much against the youth, but his mis-handling of the economical situation in Iran has managed to push up inflation, and cause hell for a large majority of families who live on an average monthly income of about $600.

More than two thirds of Iran's population are under 30. Many of them were set to be rooting for Mousavi. This election, more than any other, was expected to have a huge turnout of youth.


But now the results are out; Ahmadi has won by 62%, and Mousavi with a total vote of 33%. Now pardon my intelligence for a minute but with what's been going on over the past few weeks, that figure looks off. Totally off. So off, infact, that i'm getting flashbacks of when Saddam Hussein ran for elections and got 100%.

My worry is not that Ahmadi is president again. My worry is that in the coming few days/weeks, Iran is going to be on FIRE. Rigged or not, the elections still look rigged, and that's more than enough reason for people to retaliate; updated as I type, just read news on serious unrest starting out in a number of areas around Tehran.

This can't be good.

Can't escape Death

Sometimes, the ideas that come up in movies are pretty freaky. Whether were looking at alien invasions, horror stories about the supernatural, religious happenings with disastrous epic results, these sort of things are too twisted to actually resemble any sort of truth.

Or are they?

Imagine if the ideas coming out of a directors mind actually came to reality? Or maybe if they actually were based on some sort of reality, but unbelievable enough that the movie is categorized under 'fiction'?

Final Destination came out a bunch of years ago, with a basic premise as the theme; if you're meant to die at a specific moment in time, and then you somehow manage to escape death at that moment (due to some sort of unnatural interference), death will hunt you down and kill you, probably very violently.


Sounds like a load of crap right? Well, apparently a woman who was lucky enough to miss Air France Flight 447 (if you haven't kept up with the news, it's a plane that took off and disappeared off the radar.. They later figured it crashed and killed everyone on it.), had death on her tail. A week later, a freak car accident where her car swerved off the road into the path of an incoming truck ended up killing her, and badly injuring her husband.

Totally freaky. Now let's keep an eye out on the rest of the people who ended up missing that flight.

Link to Article

(Disclaimer; ammaro has a pretty large imagination and has nothing else to write about. Deal with it)

Sweating Like a Pig

He looked at the outside temperature gauge, looked away, then looked back at it again. Was this for real? No, no, something must be wrong. He hit it a few times just to check if it was correct.

53 degrees, it read.

"That can't be normal", he thought to himself, "we're still just in May". The traffic infront of him moved another meter, so he let his car crawl a little further down the highway.

It had started off as a regular day; the alarm clock rang at 6:30am with it's annoying metallic buzz, waking up Ahmed from his deep slumber. "Dammit," he said, "another routine crappy work day", as the rays of the sun shined through the window onto his face. As he got up, changed, and left for work, he felt a little hotter than usual, but thought nothing of it.

At the office, all telecommunication systems were down, cutting down all possibilities of doing anything useful. No phone landlines, no internet, and difficulty getting a mobile phone signal (and even then, there was too much static on the line to actually be able to communicate). Something was definitely going on today; even the office AC which was on full blast seemed like it wasn't able to keep up with the massive heat surge coming in through the office windows.

He looked outside his window to the Bahrain World Trade Center; the fans weren't spinning at all. An initiative by the authorities to help cool down Bahrain whenever the temperature rises above 40 degrees, the fans would automatically start, and spin faster relative to the air temperature. "That's weird", he thought to himself, "it feels quite a bit hotter than 40 degrees.."


His boss asked him to pay a visit to their telecom operator, who they couldn't get a hold of because all systems were down, so off Ahmed went to his car and drove away. The roads were packed; people had their windows down, blasting their horns waiting for others to move, screaming out of their windows at each other. It seems their car air conditioning just wasn't keeping them cool.

He looked at the outside temperature gauge, looked away, then looked back at it again. Was this for real? No, no, something must be wrong. He hit it a few times just to check if it was correct.

53 degrees, it read.

By now the traffic jam and heat was starting to get to people; the guy in the car infront of him, a middle-aged man who was shouting to the driver in the next car to move out of the way, lost it all of a sudden and got out to pick a fight. The two drivers shouted and argued, as other drivers left their vehicles to see what was going on. The scene got physical, as the heat wave caused everyone's blood to boil, and what started off as two angry drivers started to turn into a mini-mob, running around from car to car opening the doors and beating up the drivers.

Ahmed was shocked; as they came closer to his car, he decided the best option was to get out and run, and he did. As the size of the mob increased, they jumped on his car and broke the windows, but he didn't look back to see what was going on. He ran through the traffic-filled streets, and in every group of vehicles he could see similar zombie-like mobs starting to grow. Weirdly enough each of these zombie like creatures was starting to develop a pink glow to their skin.

This was disturbing. Something was definitely not normal ("No shi#!" - A reader), and as Ahmed ran from the chaos that was starting to form, he could feel the sweat dripping down his forehead like an open tap. The heat was getting to him, and he looked up at the sky to see the sun shining in a scary orange yellow glow. The sky didn't look normal, more like it was burning, and Ahmed figured the temperature was rising even further.

He wondered if there was anyone who could do anything about this, and he remembered the only people who were wise enough to solve any problem; the MP's ('How the hell are the MP's supposed to solve anything!? - Another Reader). He stopped a fake-London-taxi and asked the driver to take him over to the MP meeting hall. He got there, and waited as the 40 MP's made their entrance.

He stood in the middle of the hall, and pleaded to them;

"Oh great MP's, we have a situation on our hands. The temperature of Bahrain is rising. Just an hour ago, I noticed the temperature at 53 degrees in my car, and it only seems to have gone up since then. This heat is causing damage to our infrastructure, causing problems to our telecom systems that cannot handle these temperatures, and affecting our people, turning them into zombie-like mobs who cannot think. I plea with you to solve this problem"

One of the MP's stood up and said; "We already know the reason for the problem. It is because of the 1, 2 and 3 star hotels serving alcohol."

"What!?" Ahmed said, "How the hell does that contribute to temperature change?!"

"Oh unwise one," the MP continued, "God does not like these petty hotels serving the forbidden drink, therefore he has condemned us to a sample of hell"

Ahmed: "Umm, and what about the 4 and 5 star hotels then?"

MP: "You ask too many questions! Don't question the wisdom of the mighty MP's! We also need to make sure the pork is banned, otherwise our land will be cursed for ever! And we need to make sure that cinemas and parties should be closed down, as well as the internet, because it is all evil"

Ahmed felt a bit of frustration and decided he should leave before his nerves give and he ends up attacking the MP's violently. He walked out into the streets only to see the situation escalated; people blasting their horns, others giving into road rage and crashing into each other, the burning heat rays scorching trees and plants everywhere, people screaming and shouting, mobs destroying cars and setting fire to anything they can...


It was getting to an extreme, and the temperatures were getting hot enough to cause anyone to black out, so Ahmed decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. He needed immunity against this heat, and so ran off to Aloo Basheer and ordered 200 fils worth of Aloo and 100 fils nikhi (and a red Crush) with a ton of filfil. After quickly devouring the hot spices, the temperatures (now hitting 60 degrees) were no match for him.

He ran through the streets, mobs and fires to look for a solution, and he finally found the cause of the problem:


Apparently, one of the large truck carrying tons of pigs had crashed and threw the pigs all over the highway, right infront of the World Trade Center. All the people who came in contract with the same highway managed to get Swine Flu, turned into pig-zombies and went nuts, destroying and burning everything, including the power supply to the fans of the World Trade Center (explaining the rising temperatures). He obviously didn't get the flu because of his supernatural immunity, developed through years and years of eating Aloo Basheer.

Ahmed thought quickly, and since the big fans of the World Trade Center weren't working, he decided the only way this the weather could be brought back to normal is through using lots of other, smaller fans. He called his good friends, Ali Bahar and El Ekhwa, and asked them to perform a small concert infront of the corniche immediately, which they did. All of a sudden, all of their fans from Isa Town came out and that slowly caused the temperatures in Bahrain to cool down to normal levels, bringing back the telecommunication network, giving the police a chance to remove the pigs from the highway and dispose of them into the sea, and turning all the pink-zombie-mobs back into normal people.

Phew. Ahmed had actually saved the day, and maintenance worked on the World Trade Center fans to make sure they wouldn't break down in such a drastic situation again. With no one to thank him for his great deed, he went back to the office, and was shouted at by his boss: "Where the hell were you, it doesn't take 3 hours to go to the telecom and back. And go get yourself washed up, you're sweating like a pig!"